Done. Wiped out. Exhausted. CAN’T TAKE NO MORE ! I just don’t have the strength nor the desire to face what’s in front of me. I just need a break. Just one day- Please!
In May 2012 my mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer. We lived 2,500 miles apart. Relatives living near her said she would be lucky to get to Christmas.
On June 3rd she entered Hospice.
I had been talking to her daily for 4 years since my dad passed away. She was my best friend. But on June 6th I couldn’t face it anymore. I said all the above things. And I took the night off from calling her. After all, I needed a break.
At 7:30am on June 7th, I shot up straight in bed and thought “my mom died.” By 9:15am the calls started pouring into my answering machine. She had passed. June 6th is a night I still regret. My willpower had given way in the face of pain. I took a step back rather than persevering. I will never have that last call with my mom.
Self-discipline and willpower can go out the door. But stubbornness– that is a great quality to propel us through hard times. That spirit that says “Oh yeah?! I’ll show them!” then strives ahead. It’s giving everything when you’ve got nothing left.
Right now- go ahead and ask God to grant you life-sustaining stubbornness that will carry you through and glorify Him.
Until Next Time~
Blessings, Kate
Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash
#24
Encouraging-Grace 
You know Kate I know how you feel because I said some pretty terrible things to GOD one time and I lived with that guilt for a very long time. However, I will leave you with this. You and your mother had obviously been suffering for quite a bit of time. Have you ever considered that what you said to her, were not only your own words, but hers? Just a thought. GOD BLESS and I don’t think you need nor should you feel guilty anymore. May the love of the LORD be with you.
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Thank you for your insight my friend.
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When I read the post, I thought I recognized what you are talking about. The Bible calls that perseverance. I could be wrong about that, but I’m wracking my brain and I’m just going to persevere in that thought. hahaha
Sorry that you are living in interesting times. When I was not able to work anymore, I thought things would slow down. Nope.
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Kate, you are not alone with these feelings. My wife experienced a similar situation when her mom left us a few years ago.
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