LORD! I was weak. I have been for months. It has only gotten worse and worse the last few weeks.
While reading a poetry blog, I came across this word (temerity) and wondered how this might be the stance we need to take before the throne.
NOUN: excessive confidence or boldness; audacity.
How do we move forward in this posture when we are weak and beaten down by the enemy?
I was so weak recently and I prayed. I prayed for a break– just for the day. I could go on no longer in my own strength. That is when I heard myself!!! As I prayed, I actually breathed out “I am embarrassed that I have to come to you and depend on you.” I broke down in tears. It hit me strong! WAIT A MINUTE– that is what we are told to do: let God do our fighting for us.
2 Chronicles 20:15 New International Version
15 He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”
In principle, the same can be said about our war with the enemy and the army of demons that attack us in a variety of ways when we are low and weak… mostly in our mind.
Acting in my own strength is anti-scriptural. Over and over God told His servants that He was going with them. Why? To watch? UMMM NO– to ACT.
It is a LIE of the enemy (placed in my thinking and in my heart so deep I am not consciously aware of the hideous thing) that I am to come up against the world in my own strength; that I am to handle life on my own somehow.
We have to come boldly before the throne and ask for what we need.
We have to admit our weakness so He can show up strong and get the glory.
But how do we take the battle to the offensive against the devil when we are beaten low already by his stronghold in our life crushing us daily as we find ourselves giving in again and again? Causing us shame. Losing whole days to shame over something that we did in minutes. Unable to JUST NOT DO “IT” for even one day.
How do we come boldly against the enemy and fight offensively against the demonic hold and temptations we are going to face AGAIN this day?
2 Corinthians 2:11 New International Version
(taken out of context for its general application in all of life)
11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
Isaiah 26:3 New International Version
3 You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
We cannot hate ourselves and/or our actions and still see ourselves as precious children of God.
We cannot dwell on our weakness and cry, staying there for hours on end, and still be believing in the power and might of the Lord.
Once we start to slip into the negative outlook of ourselves, the slope will send us crashing fast. It is faster than we notice. If it were noticeable, we would just say “Satan back off.” And then there is the real issue of our neural pathways. We dig routes and grooves in our mind when we think a thought positively or negatively. Each time we go there the groove gets bigger and easier to slide down. Hence it gets easier and easier for Satan to attack our minds.
It becomes so easy to believe the lies.
They come at us in our own voice.
Soon we are fighting ourselves over something we didn’t even come up with in the first place.
But do we recognize it is the enemy before it is too late– before it takes over our whole thinking and our day, week, years?
In my church growing up, and in the church I go to now, we do not talk about the enemy– hardly ever. So WHY would I spot the enemy?
Recently I was asked by one of the wives of one of the pastors –why something disturbing keeps happening to be dealt with. I jokingly said it was the enemy. She gave me a sideways look and glare and then said “that has nothing to do with it.” HMMM!
SO when is the enemy involved?
Sure there are people who see the devil EVERYWHERE. And we mustn’t give him too much credit and attention when we should be focused on our God and what He can do in any situation.
But when we are weak, we feel alone. We cry out to God in desperation– yet do we hold fast to the reality that He is helping us?
If He is sending us peace of mind, but we focus on our troubles, we cannot receive the gift He is sending us.
To get a jolt out of the muck and mire of my weakness and weak thinking it took another believer:
1 Thessalonians 5:11 New International Version
11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
In fact, it was from a blog: WARNING: THE DEVIL WILL LIE TO YOU! LEARN HOW! By Cindy of RealChristianWomen.blog (Click on the post title and you can go straight to the article). I read this blog post 2 years ago and commented. I didn’t recognize the title when it came up as a suggestion for further reading on her site so I read it again. And commented again.
When I first read it, I was struggling with the thoughts that God did not endorse me and my notion to be blogging. When I read it this time, I am struggling with the thoughts that I (as a person) am not enough. Truly a weak spot to be in.
But her blog was a fresh reminder that these thoughts are not mine. They sound like me, but they are not mine. It is the enemy. he (lowercase on purpose) is the only one getting glory by me being knocked down this low. God is not glorified.
I was able to help 2 homeless men this week. One with his social security hearing and the basic life documents he needs to proceed. The other, I was able to get into a Christian rehab so he has another shot at life. These are good things. But I could not see goodness in my actions. I down played them when others commented that it was a good thing I have been hired to help in these ways. No one did so before.
And while I felt good when helping encourage these men, I felt like crap again the minute they left my office. I felt like a nobody. That anyone could have done the job– even though I know that the staff I work with wouldn’t know the first thing to do, nor is their heart in it to put the effort out when they are overly swamped with their own areas of ministry already.
The enemy has been doing a number on me for months.
I am weak, but I am now strong in the Lord.
Today is the day I cried out. And immediately I felt peace because I was willing to receive any kind of help God would give. Peace is the best gift I could have asked for in my weakened state.
It is time to give up the fight and turn it over to the Lord. Some battles we are not meant to fight. And some periods in our life we are meant to hand it over and let the EVER strong, ALWAYS powerful God Almighty step in and save us from the unseen forces that would destroy us.
When we are down, it is hard to do anything good for God because it is hard to get out of our self-focused thinking. Yes, I helped two people even while low this week. But I could have done several other things on my list as well. I was weak and didn’t feel like my effort mattered. It is nearly impossible to live life when battling metaphorical and literal demons.
Sometimes the best offense we have against the enemy is to lay our weapons down at the throne and ask for what we need. We need to come before our God and King with– temerity [təˈmerədē]
NOUN: excessive confidence or boldness; audacity.
Until Next Time~