Hypo-mania Use it or Lose it

I find myself in a position I usually LONG for. I am in the middle of hypomania today. I have bipolar II ( –Bipolar II disorder is a bipolar spectrum disorder characterized by at least one hypomanic episode and at least one major depressive episode; with this disorder, depressive episodes are more frequent and more intense than manic episodes.) This basically means that my form of bipolar is usually in the depressive state and sometimes (although RARELY for me) I get hypomanic and feel really good, energized, outgoing, talkative, creative, etc.

I found myself in Sunday School literally having to tell myself constantly to be quiet and not speak otherwise I could have let my jubilance surprise and disturb the class. While sitting there though I couldn’t focus on the Tony Evans video for our John Study. Instead, my mind was rushing with creative ideas for this blog. Like having a day for guest posts each week. Having a day to write out old hymn lyrics and write a devotional on them. Then I had ideas like using the lectionary (the way I put sermons together as a pastor) and write blogs with creative takes on scripture. WHIZ  WHIZ WHIRL. My mind was racing fast.

I hope I do something with this energy, other than start a ton of things– put them down to start other things– and at the end of the day have several started projects in prep phase. While it may sound great to get a start on several things that I can work on later and develop– there is a problem with my hypomania. It NEVER lasts long. So by tomorrow morning when I wake up I could be flat lined or even depressed slightly. And then what would I continue? Probably not much.

The last time I vividly remember this happening my mom was alive. It was February 2012. I was 43. I had a great idea to write a letter to her for her birthday and tell her 43 things I remember from my life that she had a big influence on me. (that sentence was awkward  LOL lets continue anyway). Anyway, I spent the afternoon totally chatty with my friends in different states trying to catch up. (I become very verbal on days like this. )I had every intention to start my list the next day. I set up everything for it that night. In the morning I awoke to depression. NOTHING got done fore a while. 

My mom’s birthday came and went. In May of that year, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. By June 7th my mom passed away. 

I was living 2500 miles away from my mom at the time. So not only had I not seen my mom in a long time, but I never gave her the letter which would have touched her heart. Sure  we talked on the phone daily. But that isn’t the same.

I wasted a day of creativity being distracted and putting off follow through until a little while later without the guarantee that I would still be in that high flying mood when the time arrived. Missed Opportunity.

Hopefully today will be different.

Until Next Time~
Blessings, Kate

 

9 thoughts on “Hypo-mania Use it or Lose it

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  1. I pray for you as I write this, my sister. It is ever and always the question of taking advantage of an opportunity when it shows up, whenever it does. Your post gives me hope, for I am not alone in this. Peace of Christ to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I reckon go ahead and write that list for your mother anyway. There is something strangely satisfying in doing it and just putting it out into the universe. I believe she is still with you in spirit and she will be smiling as she reads it ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kate, Thank you for sharing this insight into bipolar II. This may be a very stupid question or an inspired question, but I feel a need to ask it: Have you tried continuing the projects even during the flatlines and depressive episodes? I ask because one of the strategies I have for beating my ADHD tendencies is to make myself work even when I don’t feel like it, UNLESS I know that my not feeling like it is my body telling me it needs rest. With ADHD, my tendency is to procrastinate so I’ve learned the importance of accountability, masterminds, and being around like-minded entrepreneurs and creatives so I’m inspired to create and develop new ideas. Then I give myself deadlines to meet so I can keep going on the days that I’m not around people and have to be accountable to myself and God. These strategies have helped me immensely this past year. It seems to obvious to some but I know the hypomania and a typical ADHD scatterbrain can be similar and look the same to the outside (the talkative, creative bend where you begin a lot and finish little). The difference is that’s daily life for me unless I focus and it’s something you long for.

    Praying for you to have more good days than flatlines and depressive ones!! Keep writing my friend… I believe your healing is coming through your sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Shell. Yes, I agree….ADHD is extremely similar to hypomania. I tend to not force myself in the flat times. But maybe if I did immerse myself in a group of like minded creatives I would be inspired even on those days. I like that idea.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m always of the mindset that anything is worth trying if I can help me be a better human being. I love to look at my weaknesses and figure out how to turn them into Strank’s or at least something that doesn’t hold me back. That’s usually where I’ll look at it and say OK this is my truth now and these are the actions I would need to take to make the opposite of this true. I also find that functioning in that way allows me to be more creative. I hope you try it and that it works for you. I’d love to hear your feedback.

        Liked by 1 person

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